Working with adoptive parents and birth relatives
Part of Staying in touch: Contact after adoption > Preparing for and supporting staying in touch
Post-adoption contact is more likely to work well if adopters are sensitive to birth relatives’ feelings and able to build positive relationships with them from the start. But birth relatives are often in crisis in the aftermath of care proceedings, and it can be challenging for them to access support during this period.
In this section you will find resources to help support relationships between adoptive parents and birth relatives.
The missing pieces: Messages from birth parents to adoptive parents
In this series of films birth parents talk about how they felt when their children were adopted, what they would like adopters to know about them and the importance for them of knowing about their child as they grow up. The films are aimed at adoptive parents; we suggest you encourage adoptive parents to watch these as part of their adoption preparation sessions.
These films were made by PAC-UK and have been adapted by Research in Practice. A full version of the video is available, watch the full video. PAC-UK provide specialist support to all parties affected by adoption and permanency. For more information about PAC-UK visit www.pac-uk.org, or contact their advice line on 0300 1800 090 or email advice@pac-uk.org.
Films
Watch each film clip and then think about the reflective questions alongside the clip.
Film one: How birth parents felt when their child was adopted
Length: 8 minutes.
Reflective exercise
- What are some of the feelings that birth parents describe?
- How does this make you feel?
- Why is it important to understand birth parents and their situation?
- What do they want you to know about them?
- Reflecting on what you have seen in the film, have your views of birth parents changed? In what ways?
Film two: Different types of contact
Length: 9 minutes.
Reflective exercise
- How do birth parents feel about meeting adoptive parents?
- How might you alleviate these worries on a first meeting?
- Why are letters important for birth parents?
- What do they want to know?
- What are some of the barriers to birth parents writing letters?
- How will you approach letter exchange with birth parents?
- Why is it important to include siblings in contact arrangements?
Film three: The child's identity
Length: 3 minutes.
Reflective exercise
- Why is it important for adoptive parents to talk to children about their birth parents?
- What will you do as an adoptive parents to support children's identity as being part of two families?
Film four: Thinking about direct contact
Length: 5 minutes.
Reflective exercise
- What has helped Clarissa develop and maintain a relationship with her adopted child and the adoptive parents?
- What are birth parents' hoped in relation to their adopted child and family?
Reflective questions
- Have these films made you think about birth parents in a different way? What has changed?
- Have your views around contact with birth parents changed? In what ways?
- What impact might this have on contact arrangements now and in the future?
Practice guides
Working with adoptive parents to understand contact and what it means for their child
This guide is for practitioners to support them in preparing adopters where either face-to-face meet ups or letter/indirect contact has been assessed as being an appropriate plan for the child.
Setting up introductory meetings between birth relatives and adoptive parents
This guide sets out the importance of initial face-to-face meetings between birth parents and adoptive parents. Having an early introductory meeting can help both sets of adults understand each other and improve the quality of future contact.
Family time in Early Permanence
Family time is an aspect of Early Permanence that has many benefits but can be challenging for parents, carers and the child alike. This guide summarises evidence and provides guidance on what practitioners can do to support relationships between parents and carers.
Supporting birth parents with learning disabilities with contact
This guide sets out the steps that practitioners can take to support birth parents with learning disabilities, who may to find it difficult talk about and understand contact arrangements.
This visual model of good practice for planning and supporting family time in early permanence supports the practice guide above.
Related resources
Pause - Creating space for change have produced a range of open access resources to support women who have had, or are at risk of having, more than one child removed from their care.
- Self-care resources (developed with birth mums).
- Co-produced podcast covering a range of topics.
- Guide to campaigning (developed with birth mums).
- Quartely learning reports - covering a range of topics (e.g mental health, contact, domestic abuse).
- More than what's written (video) - this film was developed with birth mums and is a very powerful capture of their experience and story.
Staying in touch: Contact after adoption
Supporting practitioners in practice: a resource collection of research briefings, practice guides, exercises, links to relevant research, practical tools and more.