Who to include in staying in touch plans?

Part of Staying in touch: Contact after adoption > Planning for staying in touch

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This section will help you to think about who might be included in staying in touch plans. It includes examples of using genograms and eco-maps, guidance on how to work with birth relatives and downloadable practice guides considering contact with foster carers, fathers and siblings.

Who to include in staying in touch plans?  

When making staying in touch plans it is important to think about:

  • People who have a positive relationship with the child and where there is no good reason for this relationship to end.  

  • People who care for/love or want to support the child throughout their life.  

  • People who are (or may be in the future) important for the child to know about or receive information from, either for reassurance or future understanding of their life story and identity needs.

  • What connections and staying in touch arrangements can be realistically maintained by the family to ensure the most important relationships are prioritised and social exhaustion does not occur. It may be important to prioritise people the child has known, as well as those who can help the child with their story/understand that they were not rejected.

Visual diagrams to represent family and social networks

Genograms and eco-maps can be useful to assist practitioners in their exploration of people’s social networks and important relationships within their families, friends and communities.   

Genograms can be useful for mapping biological family links, as in this example.

Pippa was recently placed for adoption. The genogram highlights five known biological siblings of Pippa, but there are other possible siblings, and also children that will be or could be viewed as siblings by Pippa. All of these children/young people may be important for Pippa to maintain a relationship with or be able to contact in the future. Regular face-to-face meet ups may be important for Pippa to maintain some positive relationships and build childhood memories and experiences with brothers and sisters she has known. For some of these siblings, just obtaining contact details and names and dates of birth may be enough for now so that Pippa’s adoptive parents don’t experience social exhaustion. It is important to keep the door open for connections to be made later if Pippa wishes/needs to explore her family network.

Genogram: Download and print

Reflective Questions

  • Looking at the genogram, who are the key people that you think Pippa should maintain a connection with in the short- and long term? 

  • What further information would you need to gather to help with planning keeping in touch arrangements for Pippa? 

Eco-maps provide a template for consideration of more peripheral family members that may (or could) be important in the child’s life, as well as parent-like figures, carers or other children that they may have lived or spent considerable time with. There may also be important people who have known the child or their parents within their wider community and may help them with life story information.  

Here is a possible template to assist thinking about the different layers of relationships.

For each person highlighted, it’s important to think about how they can best be included in the child’s life. If there are people with whom the child has a positive relationship and where there is no good reason for this relationship to end, continuing the relationship can help mitigate loss and children feeling that important and loved people have just ‘disappeared’ or appear to have rejected them.

Eco-map: Download and print

Connections with some people may still be beneficial even if only occasionally, perhaps to provide reassurance, information or answer questions. Even a one-off ‘later life letter’ provided by a family friend or community leader may be helpful.

In many cases options may need to be kept open for further communication in the future if required.

'Just knowing that they are still thinking of you – that’s what makes me happy…I get this first letter and its ‘oh, they still care about me and think about me and everything’, which I found really heartwarming'.

(Adopted teenager)

Planning contact with different people who are important for the child

Working with birth relatives when making contact plans

  • Birth families are important to most adopted children as they grow up, even if they have no conscious memories of living with them.  
  • Continued contact of some kind is a unique resource for many adopted children, helping them to understand their own history, make sense of their identity and feel wanted.
  • Linking lives: Helping siblings living apart to be connected. Adoption England. This practical tool encourages practitioners to promote sibling connections. It reminds them of the importance of linking children to their network of significant people, so that they can go through the journey of life with strong networks and supports.

"When you start becoming a teenager and you start thinking more into it… I was naughty at school and [contact] might have helped me as such because it’s like constantly on your mind and at 13, 14 I was ready to meet them...it might have helped me out… knowing that I couldn’t wasn’t a good thing..."

  • Many birth relatives are acutely vulnerable with complex difficulties and in need of support in their own right. Parents may go on to have more children. Offering positive support at the time of the final hearing and beyond is an investment in the future.  
  • Many birth families are in crisis at the time of care and adoption proceedings; they may be angry, frightened or distraught. Relatives can struggle to think clearly or manage their behaviour. They may shut down and even become suicidal. The kinds of problems that led to the child’s removal may get worse at this time.  
  • We all find it more difficult to absorb information when we are angry, anxious, afraid or in shock. Many parents find it hard to turn up to planned meetings or appointments at this time, fail to respond to or digest important information or take in what is happening.  
  • Fathers and Black and minoritised parents can find it particularly hard to access support or may feel excluded.  
  • Parents often suffer abuse and even violence in the aftermath of the removal of their children. They may be shunned by friends and family and feel intense shame and guilt. This can make it even harder to talk about what has happened and access support.   
  • It is hard for families in care proceedings to work positively with children’s social workers because of the adversarial nature of proceedings.  
  • Support from independent agencies is highly valued; birth families want someone non-judgmental to talk to who is not involved in making decisions about their child.  
  • Relatives value practical support at this time and may feel able to accept this before emotional support. Providing support with contact makes it more likely to get started well.
  • Explain and then explain again, adjusting the language used.  
  • Keep visiting and phoning parents and relatives even if they miss appointments.  
  • Opportunities such as to hear about/meet with adopters may need to be re-offered multiple times.  
  • Offer practical help such as lifts to meetings or support letter writing.  
  • Help to build links between relatives and the adoption team.  
  • Encourage families to make use of independent support services.   
  • Make sure that other professionals (such as contact supervisors or children’s guardians) know about the help that is available – people may be more willing to listen to them.  
  • Make sure that support services are accessible, well publicised and that families can self-refer.  
  • Focus on the long term; it may take time for a parent or relative to accept help from support services or begin to recover from the impact of the court’s decision.  
  • Don’t make final contact plans based on relatives’ responses at the time of final hearing; you may need to explain to the court that such plans can only be provisional.  
  • There is often a ‘gap’ in contact after the placement order is made and before the first post adoption contact letter or meeting takes place. Try to ensure parents are not left wondering and worrying about their child during this highly stressful period. A settling in letter from the adopters can help, as well as updates via the social worker to reassure parents.   

Adoption England

  • Being your best self when staying in touch
    This two-page document has advice and tips for birth family members when staying in touch (via letter or via face-to- face or online meet ups) with their child who has been adopted. It reminds them to care for themselves so time spent with their child can be as positive as possible. Being Your Best Self When Staying in Touch.
  • Light in the dark - emotional advice for birth parents whose children have been adopted
    This resource has been developed to help birth parents who may be struggling emotionally when their child has been adopted. It helps them to recognise and understand their stress and reminds them to look after themselves and not to see emotions as a sign of weakness. Light in the Dark for Birth Families of Adopted Children.
  • Nourishing the sparks of connection with adopted children
    This resource has advice and guidance for birth parents to help them understand the benefits to developing a positive connection with their adopted children, where it is safe to do so. Nourishing the Sparks of Connection for Birth Parents Whose Children are Adopted.

Additional resources:  

Fathers are frequently not included in contact plans for adopted children

This practice guide provides information on supporting fathers to maintain relationships with their children after adoption.

View guide

'He’s always been the one that I haven’t been allowed to see, it makes you want to know more and see them more.'

(Adopted young person)

Staying in touch with foster carers after adoption

Staying in touch with foster carers after being placed with adopters can help children to settle in their new families. It does not stop children from forming new attachments. Continued contact with familiar people and things and maintaining reassuring routines helps children to feel safe when they must move.

This practice guide summarises the evidence to increase understanding of the benefits of ongoing contact with foster carers. and provides suggestions for practice around children’s contact with foster carers post adoption.

View guide

Read the Mikey Maddox case study and consider the following questions: 

  • Who and what is important and familiar to Mikey in his current situation? 
  • Who is Mikey’s primary attachment figure? 
  • How will he feel if this person is not there? 
  • By the time Mikey is 14, how likely is it that there will be somebody still in his life who knew him when he was a baby? 
  • How could the foster carers support the adopters to help Mikey settle?

Staying in touch with siblings

There is strong evidence that, in most cases, contact with brothers and sisters is wanted by children and can be rewarding and beneficial. It should generally be considered, promoted, prioritised and supported (at least with key siblings), unless there is good reason for it not to occur.  

This practice guide summarises the evidence and key factors to consider when planning staying in touch arrangements for brothers and sisters.

View guide

Staying in touch: Contact after adoption

Supporting practitioners in practice: a resource collection of research briefings, practice guides, exercises, links to relevant research, practical tools and more.