Supporting face-to-face contact
Part of Staying in touch: Contact after adoption > Preparing for and supporting staying in touch
Face-to-face contact between adoptive and birth families can develop over time and help children to maintain relationships with people who are important to them. This section provides guidance and opportunities for reflection to support face-to-face contact.
Practice guides
Supporting face-to-face meetings between adoptive families and birth families
This guide provides suggestions for supporting face-to-face contact between adoptive parents and birth relatives, in both the short and longer term.
Supporting face-to-face contact between siblings
This guide focuses on preparation and support facilitating face-to-face contact between siblings.
Films
Adoptive mother and birth grandmother discussing contact arrangements
In these three short films, an adoptive mother (Liz) and a birth grandmother (Denise) discuss their experiences of keeping in touch arrangements.
When the placement for adoption was first made, some years previously, the arrangement was for indirect (letters) contact. This worked well and built a foundation of trust. After a few years, the adopted child asked his parents if he could see the grandparents who had kept in touch with him through indirect contact. The adopters discussed this with their social worker and a plan was made for a supported face-to-face meeting. Face-to-face contact continued to develop from this point.
The adopted child is now in his teens and contact has gradually become fully open with visits to each other's homes two or three times a year and other birth family members involved occasionally.
The film sections may be chosen to illuminate or prompt discussion on specific points.
Film one: The initial meeting
Length: 6 minutes.
Liz and Denise discuss the significance of meeting each other before the child was placed for adoption. The grandmother reflects that the meeting allowed her to feel that her grandson would be well cared for and loved by his adoptive parents and the adoptive mother felt that it gave her and her husband a sense of the grandparents' 'blessing' to proceed with the adoption. They both agree on the importance of good social work support before during and after the meeting.
Film two: What has helped to make face-to-face contact successful
Length: 3 minutes.
Liz and Denise discuss what they see as the key elements of the successful development of the contact. Important factors for success include a clear delineation and mutual respect for each other's roles for the child and some shared values and expectations regarding parenting.
Film three: The importance of timing contact to allow for grieving and attachment
Length: 6 minutes.
Liz and Denise discuss their emotions. On reflection, both suggest that in the early days of the placement, it might have been more difficult to manage direct contact. Denise feels that she needed time to grieve for her grandson and truly accept the adoption and Liz feels that she and her husband needed time to build their relationship with their son. The gradual development from indirect to direct contact allowed both parties to build trust in each other and feel secure in their new roles for the child.
Reflective exercise
This activity aims to help in understanding the emotional dynamics of the first face-to-face post-adoption meeting between an adoptive mother and birth grandmother. The goal is to think about each person’s perspective having watched the films.
Imagine the following scenario:
- This is the first face-to-face meeting between Liz and Denise since the adoption was finalised.
- Both parties have communicated indirectly through letters or photos but have never met in person.
Imagine yourself in each role and think about/answer the following questions:
Liz’s perspective: How does Liz feel about meeting Denise? What are her main concerns or hopes for this interaction? How have Liz’s feelings about meeting Denise changed over time?
Denise’s perspective: What does Denise hope to gain from this meeting? How does she feel about the adoption and Liz as her grandson's mother? How have Denise’s feelings about the adoption changed over time?
Social Worker’s Role: How can you, the social worker, support Liz, Denise and the child to make the most of the meeting? What might you need to support them with before, during and after the meeting and how would you go about this? What other things would you need to think about after the meeting in planning future arrangements?
Staying in touch: Contact after adoption
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